is it 6 billion times more beautiful?

during a conversation recently with one of my mentors, i came up with a "decider theory" for situations where i want to figure out if an action or theology is good. comments on the idea are welcome. i am sure i'm not the first to think of this, but that's only mentioned so i don't come off as a zealot. ;)

allow me to preface this with one factor - i am struggling with the idea that God is huge. with that in mind, it might be said that God can allow for a myriad of "correct" theologies for the kingdom that do not coincide. that is to say, what's good for the goose may not necessarily be good for the gander.

the theory: simply put, if an individual wishes to determine if a specific theological statement is right, he/she should multiply the theory by 6 billion. this number is based upon the current approximate population of the planet in human terms. the thinking behind the multiplication of a theory is that one should think of his or her decisions in life on a scale far beyond what it will do to enhance his or her own life (spiritually, physically, etc.) and look at how it would affect all things if everyone would believe or act the same way.

in the end, how does what i do affect the rest of the world? do i want all my energy to go towards positivity? of course i do, but does the way i do it work universally? ouch, might have just answered my own question, so don't read that part. oh, um, sorry about that.

shared moment, wondering what each other is thinking.

dead, once alive.

a few weeks ago, i heard about the snowy owl that had upon its journey, come to perch for some time in this region of indiana. jen and i went up to visit one day, at which time i snapped the photo above. we spent a while watching the owl, wondering about the life it lead, talking about it. when the owl would look at us, what a feeling that brought. created creativity peering into its created kingdom partner.

this snowy owl is dead, hit by a truck while ignorantly minding its own business. i grieve today, and forever more, for the loss of this beautiful blessing. yet my mind wonders about its life as well, how the owl's journey brought it here. what was its plan? was it brought here to be seen and then to have its life ended? am i so self-centered that i think it was here so that i would ponder this subject? perhaps not so self-centered. i can imagine God moving many through one entity. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., John Kennedy, my father, my friends and mentors, the snowy owl. broad impact, positivity sent out in all directions, from One, through one, to many.

how now, whether a human or beloved animal dies, do i cope? it's been so long since one close to me has passed over. the grief from a bird, coupled with my confusion about how screwed up i sometimes see things in this place, burden me. i pray for revelation.

guess i've wondered about this before....

i found this just after i posted that last blog entry. something i wrote january 9, 2004 that captures the same question's essence.


a man so obsessed by the paranoia of God’s “plan” for his life that he decides against everything he originally had set out to accomplish. if he had wanted children, he had none. if he had a good source of income, he chucked it and lived on the street. he sold his house and car and gave the money away – well, at least he threw it into the street one night and never looked back to see what happened to it. no wife, stopped talking with his family. threw away his wardrobe along with his friends. stopped doing every hobby he enjoyed, even taking up the exact opposite of some. craps instead of yahtzee. stealing hubcaps instead of assembling plastic models.

in the end, he was destitute living among the destitute. his acquaintances were the fiends of the street. his home, wherever he needed to be. his purpose, to run at the slightest hint of unoriginality.

and God smiled, because the man had given up all earthly possessions to follow Him.

gentle creature so close to destructive influence - take care in this world, my butterfly friends - the webs of life are thick and sticky.

out of the loop

hi. so i was just reading my emails, when i looked to the top of the page and saw an ad that read "we take a proven, scientific approach to finding your ideal partner. turn to the experts...." and at that point i threw up on my computer screen and went for coffee to let it dry. the science of love. do i really need to comment on why that bothers me? okay, for now i'm not going to, but here's something else on my mind....

i am always, always bothered by things that controvert the senses, the natural world, spiritual "truths." being bothered doesn't necessarily mean that i take a negative approach to new ideas; instead, i'm upset inwardly in a way that generally produces one of two main results. first, i might know for sure that what i have experienced is contrary to what i feel is right. second option - that i can challenge what i've always held to be true because of what i am experiencing that is different than what i've known.

if G-d is everything and allows all things to happen, who am i to try to figure out if something is good or bad? in the broad scope, do i know for sure it's wrong for someone to commit what we've determined to be a crime if the end result from that crime being commmitted is that something is discovered because of it that ends another act that is "worse" than that crime in our minds? wow, sorry for that sentence. okay, donnie darko for instance - he was "told" to burn down a dude's house, but through that the fire crews putting out the blaze found he was running a child porn ring. arson justified, or still wrong no matter what the result? the point is, it doesn't matter if we determine through our own system of justice whether something is wrong; there is a higher court that knows more and works more mysteriously through us than any of our minds can imagine. i'm not saying i think we should end all manner of punishment, but sometimes when we decide to point an accusing finger at someone who's done something "unheard of", perhaps we should consider whether they had a choice.

i can still hear the rain falling from the storm that drenched these leaves.

me, for the purpose of making my profile pic stay put.