instant coffee, instant tea....instant peace?

there are so many instant satisfactions to desires in the world. instant drinks, instant meals, instant loans, instant sex (just dial and they show up if you have the cash), music-on-demand, the list is endless.

what about instant peace? i desire that more than anything. i don't need an electric cheese slicer; hell, i don't even want one. what i do want is be close to God. in an instant, i need to feel unconditional love flow through my soul, dripping down over my brain like alka-seltzer's bubbles or pepto bismol for the mind, and then out to my fingertips so i can uncurl my fist, into my lungs so i can take in a deep calming breath and let it out, and oozing out around my tongue so that by the time i speak, only words of peace and love can be uttered.

so, another "for instance", which seem to be prevalent in most of my later blogs: living in this country, i'm surrounded by (and even express on my own at times) great acts of selfishness. when money, personal gain, ladder-climbing, greed, and revenge are the cornerstones of one's life, those "qualities" are evident in one's life. when i am confronted by some form or another of this type of action, like someone letting a door slam in my face, or watching someone ridicule another person, or witnessing someone cutting me off on the highway, i pretty much get pissed first. not my desire. more importantly, though, is that almost immediately, i'm overcome with a sense of needing to love that person.

"forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." to me, that's more than appropriate for about three thousand two hundred sixty four moments a day in my life. it isn't that this person who's done some act of non-love always digs it and always does it on purpose; in most cases, i would imagine they don't even realize there's a better way to live. so, my purpose in this life is to show unconditional love and spread peace as much as i can; otherwise, i'm not being the soil that the seeds of God's love need to live.

frustrations of patience

for years, i've noticed this quarky thing i do of getting all freaked out literally moments before a situation is resolved. a couple of for instances: i'm working on the farm, trying to free up a blade on the mower that stopped spinning. i'm twisting and turning, yanking, getting all the leverage i can muster to try to break it free - no budge. i know what i want to be doing; i want to be mowing; instead, i'm under the mower, not getting anywhere. just as i begin to think too much of about where i want to be, instead of where i am, i can feel the impatience growing, smiling at its impending victory over my emotions. maybe even to the point of showing my frustration through some angry action, or even beginning to swear a bit, all of a sudden - POP! and it's broken free and i'm back to mowing.

another example: perhaps a bit more relevant to most - listening to someone telling me a story, right when i just had to be getting on my way across town....all of a sudden i'm mired in this conversation that seems to have no end. i get so impatient looking for the end, trying to guess the outcome so i can simply say it and get the talker to the crux, i even lose focus and stop paying attention at times. all of this because of my selfishness - since when do i want to be at a store where everything i'm looking to see or buy is sitting on shelves collecting dust, while this human being with thoughts, emotions, and a desire to share them with me seems less important than that, only because of my lack of appreciation for its value. what a bummer.

what i've noticed out of examples like these and countless other similar experiences, is that i am a tad impatient at times. i don't dig it, i don't try to be, i know i don't like it when someone else is that impatient; all i want to do then is tell them they need to relax, enjoy life, get out of their all-too-encumbering shell and into someone else's.

medicine for the healer.

the kicker of all this is that just as i begin to lose my patience, the problem is solved. if only, i tell myself, if only i had been patient for a few more moments, if only i had listened a few seconds longer, i would be more at peace, the situation would be resolved as it was going to be anyway, and if anyone else was involved, they would feel as if i actually cared and am truly a patient, kind person.

what i dig most out of this is that i realize what i'm doing - perhaps not all the time, but it's a very noticeable thing to me because of my history of doing it. i really think i'm getting better at it, too; i can smile when i do it, knowing that i've caught myself being "a tad less than perfect" again. also realizing i've noticed myself becoming impatient before and halted the negative process has given me peace, seeing that i can improve that about myself.

i suppose if i'm talking to you sometime and i don't seem to be paying much attention, you might mention some code saying, like "how's the mower running?" that should do the trick.

i'm almost there - i can feel it. when i get to the point of knowing myself a bit better like this, i know i'm home free in that respect. good gravy, that's an awesome feeling.

the downward spiral

proof that the human brain has some rotten pathways: there is a new law in the chicago area that, simply put, states that a person traveling the speed limit in the left lane can be pulled over and ticketed for impeding the progress of people who are speeding.

i know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, because i believe there's a divine purpose behind all this surreal madness; what i don't get yet is why humanity as a whole is not trying to get together to make it brighter. i absolutely love those who are, and i'm learning, ever so gingerly, to love those who aren't. then again, maybe they are, too; perhaps these stunts they're pulling are part of that mysterious plan.

all i can say is God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can (and should), and the wisdom to know the difference.