somewhere, circling far behind my typical level of tragic sensory ineffectualism is a bond i don't understand, can't create in a lifetime, and until some point in my life never realized any desire to experience. why do i enjoy rain? why is thunder the most amazing experience i've ever had (no offense, jen - god category)? while i'm sitting on the deck, staring out through the valley at ever-brightening colors of autumn's approach, what about that makes me so at peace? what is the difference in a human's life that draws one into such retrospective determination to BE a better person, to hunger for the goal of being the most christ-like he/she can be, while others find it so easy to draw inward only for personal gain (i.e. ladder-climbing, vanity, theft, murder, narcissism at its worst)?
daily, i struggle with gaining something from what i experience. something positive. something that i can use to improve my self for the good of others. struggle is an important word here - no reason for me to try to hide the fact that i lose that battle many times. but what keeps me going that way? what is that something that entices me to get up, shake it off and try again?
it seems cosmic. cosmic christianity; the post-modern's eternal ticket to making it through life knowing that the cock-ups aren't permanent. the (unfortunately) little-realized fact that even while i type out this blog, i am in touch with this something that's already in touch with me. i am jack's sweaty brow. when i'm really in the groovy, most in touch with this side of me that i dig so much, i find out that my fingers move on their own, type what i didn't even know i wanted to say, and it turns out to be groovy and not from me and it freaks me out butinagoodwayandifreakoutagainbutthistimeoutofsheerhappiness.
point - understanding that my love for nature and my desire to enjoy it while protecting it is not borne out of reading certain books or listening to certain people or hanging out with certain friends or being afraid of the law. it's as natural as the trees i gaze into, waiting for the bird decide to fly. that natural connection is what causes me to read certain books, listen to certain people, hang out with certain friends, and....well, i don't fear the law, but i do take it into consideration. :)
it doesn't matter if one calls the relationship "cosmic." it's only a word - like "love." the crux of the story is that the beauty of the world that you are isn't waiting to discover YOU, it's waiting for YOU to discover IT. have a nice walk today.
a couple links if you want to read some groovy items:
http://www.sol.com.au/kor/5_02.htm (hildegard of bingen)
okay, so one link and one suggestion - look up matthew fox and read some of his items.
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2 comments:
You're an awesome writer, pal...
Your blog makes me ponder a cosmic God binding and directing the cosmic processes and ever-infinite realities of life. Such an amazing, inspiring, out-of-the-box idea and yet so simple. Thanks for inviting me to see G_d in everything today.
So many big words, So little time. What is it with you and my husband that pushes you both to wax poetically about stuff I don't understand? Can't you all just write about beer and cigarettes, in layman's terms, please. If I understood your post, I'm sure I would have enjoyed it. Just wanted to let you know. Oh and tomorrow I'm hoping for a dummy entry for the stupid or rather sleep deprived people out there. Lots of love to you and your hottie wife. Damn Jen is hottttt!
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